“Impostor syndrome can be defined as a collection of feelings of inadequacy that persist even in face of information that indicates that the opposite is true. It is experienced internally as chronic self-doubt, and feelings of intellectual fraudulence.” – Caltech Counseling Center
Halfway through my fall semester I did not think I would be able to make it to the MPA finish line. Something vanished in me after I returned from a weekend trip away from Syracuse. I was overcome with stress which turned into endless tears. Would my grades be good enough to obtain my degree? Would I ever be able to pay off my student debt? Would I find a career that would make me content? What was my purpose here at Maxwell? Could I make solid friendships? Should I drop out and move away from Syracuse?
When I awoke the next morning my tears were replaced with a pit of emptiness. There was no emotion, passion, or drive in me as I walked to class. I met my peers with a hollow smile. All I wanted to do was crawl back into my bed and lock away my pain. For two seemingly endless days, I felt like an imposter at the Maxwell School of Citizenship and Public Affairs. I felt as though I did not earn my spot at the top tier school for public administration.
On the second night, I sent out my signal for help. This wasn’t me and I couldn’t keep feeling inadequate. I needed someone to listen and someone to understand. With my laptop open, I started searching for a term that labelled my void of emotions when I found “impostor syndrome.” The search returned pages filled with graduate students feeling inept for their return to academia. It was hard accepting I wasn’t mentally healthy, but I wanted to get better. I wanted to return to the passionate, determined, and cheerful person that I was. The first step on my road to recovery began at a midsize bright yellow house on Walnut Place.
My message to incoming students is always know your worth.
The Counseling Center Services here at Syracuse University offers individual and group therapy. Through opening up about my self-doubt I was able to cut the ties of loneliness that were weighing me down. A fellow student reached out to me with the same overwhelmed and undeserving emotions, but gave me a message of hope I so desperately needed. “We will get through this. We will graduate. No one will be left behind.” My network (a net that worked) was missing and it was up to myself to rebuild it. I rebuilt my faith in myself through joining study groups, taking on the role as Co-Chair of the Cultural Affairs Committee, and going to see my professors during their offices hours.
My message to incoming students is always know your worth. When stress starts to grab at your mind and body, seek help. In reaching out you’ll find some of the kindest and most supportive people here at Maxwell. You are not an impostor. You are a cherished member of the Maxwell Community.
Counseling Center
200 Walnut Place
Syracuse, NY 13244
T 315.443.4715
To schedule an appointment, fill out the online form. There will be a 30-minute telephone screening with a staff therapist. The staff therapist will help you schedule either an individual or group appointment based on your needs. The process of securing an appointment may take 2-3 weeks. If you are having an emergency, it is recommended to either walk into their office and/or call their number.
